Monday, October 12, 2020

Loss

This is a companion blog to my author website which can be viewed over at:


Whichever way you landed here, I welcome you to a series of posts which I hope may afford you greater understanding of my book, my poetry and where both came from, my mind!

I exclaim because in sailing close to that faculty of mine I'm afraid we enter some pretty choppy waters, for when I was in my late teenage years I grew ill with a malady of the psyche which has taken me just over two decades to assimilate and understand fully.

But assimilate it, I have. Understand it, I do. And do you know where it all begins, this madness? Well, for me as with many other youngsters who for the first time experience romantic love, it is simply that sense, feeling, concomitant pain of Loss...

The rift grows between us. Why I cannot say,

How I cannot tell, but onwards, ever onwards

To infinity beyond, swells this void of separation.

Engulfed by funereal dark we lie together,

Whilst the ashen plane of our numbstruck love

Falls headlong into the grave. I just don’t understand.

For months we were as two as one, enjoying all we shared,

But now this drift cremates our peace entire,

And the light of a million stars is nothing save a shade,

Grey dimness through the filter of my sight,

Gobbling in wake the nabbing trawl of joy’s own catch.

We were, we were, we saw each other whole,

I brought you up, you did the same, we took ourselves on high,

We held each other close, we breathed each other’s sleep and dreams,

We talked the talk unguarded, all barriers worked clear,

We basked in glow, we walked in step, we lived and worked in fere,

All thoughts directed to ourselves, our hopes, our plans, our future.

 

No longer. This is the end, we both feel it,

Together, apart, and the distance between those stars is nothing but a ramble,

A short hike through the filter of my thoughts,

Compared to what falls between us.

Even enemies are as friends against the gulf which lies between,

For no bind of faith, intimacy, or promise lies with them,

No tender bond, torn apart by ending’s hands,

And thrown upon us where we rest.

Now the ever-growing footfall of our turbulent archivist,

Suffusing dignity and state, runs through my mind,

Plucking passages of past happiness to place before me,

And I screw my eyes tight shut, though still I see you laughing, crying, talking,

Your whispers sounding even as you sleep beside me.

How will I bear this loss? I know I will live without you,

And in time I will forget, but before then must be days of pain

When what I’ll be is you, living in your soul, wondering how you cope,

What you think, where you are, stretching our elastic taut over the void

Until it snaps, and we’re no longer joined by anything save memory

Of our gentle tie, the easy knot of a good time once past.

Now I must sleep, get ready to mourn my loss.

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